never saw it coming.
i should have started running.

Saturday, June 03, 2006
i just sat down and thought just now.
what the heck am i going to do with my life.
my interview for the navy is on monday.
i am so nervous.
i am turing to become this paranoid bugger ;
that has no hope for tomorrow.
if tomorrow even comes for me.

i am on prozac and morphine.
which i know will not do me good in the long run.
cause of its adverse side effects.
which every single medical eprson knows about.
prolonged usage will cause addiction.
i know.

and i don't wish to get addicted to things like that.
i rather smoke.
and drink.
which i know i am somehow hooked.
a week without it ;
is something like a week without air.
which is alreay bad enough.

and then ...
to add on to all this stupid stress.
i have judgemental people.
i am always tlaking about them.
cause somehow ;
they make me irritated.
everytime i think about them.
which sucks.

i hate being judged.
and given the death sentance when i don't deserve it.
its their own dumb judgements.
we need to change.
the world doesn't wait for you.
i am not normal.
i know.
i don't have to conform to the norms.
its my choice.

at least i made a choice.
unlike some.

and then the major thing.
i am not with anyone.
haven't been with anyone.
flings glaore you might think.
nah.
don't have any.

i am so farking scared of getting into one.
ask those i am close with.
leave me out of the emo stuff.
i am so freaking scared.
to even try liking someone.

its like ...
if i found someone attractive last time.
my natural reaction would be to get to know them.
then see how things get on.
with a little fishing and flirting.
it always works.

but now.
i am so scared to even think about that.
i am even scared to even try talking to the person.
imagine that !!!
i am such a sucker.
and i know ...

i know.
november 4th or not.
it'd never happen.
so i ask myself why wait.

my only answer to that ...
its just an excuse.
so that i won't feel that bad.
cause i somehow know at least i have tried.
somehow.
i have tried.

even though.
i know , i can get somethings done.
i'd not do it.
she's happy with the new hitch.
a happiness.
i could never bring her.

ever.
so there is no point.
but then again ...
i am trying to look on the bright side.
which is slowly turning into grey.
and its more then just oblivious.

if you are reading this.
do me this small favor.
i will keep it in my I.O.U book.
listen to this ;
will young - who am i.

you don't have to tell me you have.
as long as you have.
if you even read this junk.
yup.

i am trying not to give up.
even though i don't know what i am doing.
it feels like i do.
somehow.



kaaye\.

all about me;
kaaye\. 19years.
22nd november 1987.
overgrown kid.
taken.
my sanity's long gone.



likes\.
hanging out with my friends ; ALOT.
nice tasting alcohol in general ; erdinger ; mojito ; moet or blessed vc.
trance ; house ; rock ; alternative ; punk ; metal ; bossa nova / jazz.
new gadgets.
baking ; cupcakes and all.
shiny stuff.
the sun , the sand , the water = THE BEACH !!!
slacking like there is no such thing as time.



dislikes\.
the people i hate are all irritating !!!
horrid people ; with appalling characters.
people with horrid manners.
insects and such.
bad weather.
headaches ; ankle sprains.
BAD COFFEE !!!
greens.



wish list\.
that calculator casio watch.
that pair of rock and republic pants.
that perfect messenger bag.
that new PDA !!!
that new laptop.
that pair of adidas shoe-wees.
that pair of tiger shoe-wees.
that new jacket.
that nike haversack.
that new tops from pull and bear.
that new pair of jeans.
that flesh imp top.
that head porter bag.
that pair of lacoste shoe-wees.

shoutouts.

plugs.


credits.
blogskins greene_sprit host

past.
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007

entries;

profile;

shouts;

plugs;

past;