Thursday, November 30, 2006
hello 1st december.
everything is going down hill. from today onwards.
its 24 more days to christmas and YES. i am going to spend christmas all alone.
again. just like last year. hopefully i am used to it. well ... whichever it is.
HELLO.i am having
family problems. first time in my entire life. i am having it at such close proximity to my heart. oh yes. battle between father and mother. i don't know what the fuck is going on any more. i think i should just continue ... using my computer and act like everything is okay ...
till someone comes to me and tells me what is going on. cause frankly , its not like i cannot be bothered.
i just don't know which one is right or which one is wrong anymore. never mind.
it'd pass me by.hopefully.
you know ,
you know. if you could just stand in my shoes for that split second to know how i am feeling now. i think ... i would happier. as in , if anyone would know how i feel ... i would feel better.
at least there is someone out there who fully understands. somehow.
i don't like looking into her eyes , knowing that everything is but a lie.to know that i am surpressed so big ;
i might fail to succeed at all.
to have that shadow of doubt smashed on my face. every single time i try to breathe a little. something so strong puts me back into that hole with no life.
ignorance brings about the utmost arrogance in people ; then jab them straight in the heart. without a second opinion and without a second thought.
it infuses something , we call the unimaginable excruciating pain.most will never live to understand.kaaye\.- bringing about this ;loosing every single bit of it.
memories locked at Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
the very vain grandmother that brought about the grandkid.
me little boy ; matthew.
uh huh. the family pictures at a fucking wedding. many more.
but i only got hold of a few.=))
=
but back to reality.
i went to watch happy feet yesterday !!!=))
omfg. the fucking penguins are so fucking cute.
you just want to go up to them and give them a hug or pinch their cheeks. omfg. especially when they just got out of their eggs. omfg.
its freakingly cute. ha ha.
went for a wedding dinner yesterday. the entire family was there. grand parents and all. omfg. i tell you. the food was only so - so. not the usual wedding dinner. oh wells.
PEOPLE KEPT CRYING. like ... what the punani. i became ;
tissue boy.they played like a gazillion nice songs. cause they were either
jazz or mambo. talk about music and life.ha ha.
=
you know ...
having a history of your past entries is not a good thing. not a good thing at all. as my itchy fingers permitted ;
i went back to the older blog. read the entries when i was with that particular someone. interesting note ... i never did treasure what i had ? entries besides the mere 1 or 2 'happy' entries the
rest were well , down the sewers.and then you might ask ;
then why can't you get over and done with her ? good question. i need an answer that i might never find. tell me ,
how cool is that. seriously. how cool is that.
ohmotherfuckingstrawberryshortcakebananapie.trust me if you may ; the heart's in the
freezer still. smiles are temporary. its dawned on me that the feeling of that is so far ... i daren't even think about it. to think of even letting it come close.
NOPE. its far and its going to stay that way.
yes it would.
what is hte use of having many. when you only want that particular one. that does not need you the way you need her.
away you go now.
kaaye\.- would you save the last dance for me.
memories locked at Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
uh huh. keep it coming man.
STC. live it up please !!!
I LOVE THIS PIC. bottoms up.
ambition : king pin.
my royalee blacks.
before people start wondering what happened on friday. it was the best day of my entire life to this date. alcohol ; friends and good fucking fucking fucking FABULOUS music. what more can you fucking want in life please. i love it to bits. and i would not trade anything for it. stuff did happen. like for every party. something bad did happen. but ... everything else made up for it. left , right , center and beyond. i love friday.
without the people whom i call friends.
there wouldn't be a successful party.
that made me happy till i went to heaven.
party went on great. let me try mention who was there on friday night.
wenny
denyse ( with sherman ; jean and jean's friend.)
portia
krystal
jenny. ( with her friend ; winnie.)
melissa ong.
stephaine.
esther with john.
charis.
beatrice.
wei ye.
christie.
selina and jack.
yu hong.
liang. ( with his friend.)
ming.
dee dee.
nicolas.
shawn.
kiat.
and then i think that was about it. friday night was great. 302 pictures please. everything rawked. and i loved every single moment of it. i wouldn't trade it for the world. martel and chivas controlled my fucking night. not like i fucking bothered. but yes. it rawked. i loved it.
what more could i have asked for.
for my b'dae. everything is in such delight. delight with real sincere DElight.
its been long since ;
i really enjoyed myself.
=
emotional roller coaster.
what more is there to add.
kaaye\.
- into your arms i want to fall.
but you're not there.
memories locked at Monday, November 27, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
its thursday.
and know what.
its less then 25 hours to like MOS.wait.
23 more hours to like doing hard gay.i am so fucking happy.for some god knows what reason.
nothing is going to get me down.
at least i don't think that anything would.
or will.
for that matter.
erm ...
YES.i am not fighting a battle.
i am watching the battle being fought.
inside and outside.
i don't really bother anymore.too tired are the words to describe.
its breaking.and i am letting it do whatever it wishes.
tired.
enough said i figure ?
its part 2 tomorrow.
its going to fucking rock.cause i know it would.
it better damn well do.
cause ...
weeks of planning.boils down to this one night.
it has GOT TO WORK.as denyse said
'have faith ;
i have a very very good feeling that its going to be a blast'. and so i will.
kaaye\.- have you ever noticed.
when ever you are near.
i picture you with sadness.
and tear drop in your eyes.
memories locked at Thursday, November 23, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
=
there is nothing more to say.
for my b'dae.
cause those ding dongs.
my life pillars ;
were there to celebrate it with me.
sweet.there are more pictures.
but they have yet to be published.
due to certain reasons.but ...
never the less ;
friday is part 2.hell.
here i come.
kaaye\.
- you really are my estacy ;
my real life fantasy.
memories locked at Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
its my b'dae.
doesn't take a rocket scientist to find that out.hello fucking reverie.
my eyes are a little puffy.
the ears seem clogged.
i can't stop thinking.first 2 hours spent brawling.
not bad of a start if you ask me.something is terribly wrong.
i don't know what.
i just know something terribly is.its just another day.
and it'd pass ;
just like the rest.
i am so assured of it.
and i still remember last year.
oh ... yes.so much has changed.
but the date still ever the same.
i still remember that glance i had before you left the restraunt.no.
i haven't forgotten.
selective memory working at overdrive.
when it comes to you.my b'dae made me sick.
kaaye\.- leave.
but don't leave a trace.
memories locked at Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Dime porque lloras
de felicidad
y porque te ahogas
por la soledad
di porque me tomas
fuerte asi, mis manos
y tus pensamientos
te van llevandoYo te quiero tanto
y porque sera
loco testarudo
no lo dudes masaunque en el futuro
haya un muro enorme
yo no tengo miedo
quiero enamorarmeNo me amesporque pienses
que parezco diferente
tu no piensas que es lo justo
ver pasar el tiempo juntos
No me ames
que comprendo
la mentira que seria
Si tu amor no merezco
no me ames
mas quedate otro diadon't begin.
=
it is 10 mintues to 2200 hours.
withint he next around ... 140 mintues.
its going to be my b'dae.am i excited.
NO.am i happy.
NO.am i feeling anything.
ANGER.i am fucking angry at something.wait.
i think its myself.don't happy b'dae me.
i don't want it.
sorry.to everything i want to concel.
kaaye\.- forever everything ;
act like it never happened.
live like it happened twice over.
memories locked at Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
blonde. i love.
i am not ah pek.
its not grey.
ITS PLATINUM. mf.
=
i went to hair inn yesterday and got my hair dyed the most outrages colour that i can possibly think of. cause , its my b'dae week and
I AM GOING TO ENJOY IT. IF IT IS THE LAST THING THAT I FUCKING GET DONE. i am this close to loosing it. but
NO. i am not going to loose it this time , since i have kept things tight for so long ...
i am not going to let everything go down the sewers. i fucking am not bothered.
'think good b'dae don't fuck bother. BREATHE.' <- that is so my fucking motto for this period of time. so fucked up.
okay.
so
I LOVE MY HAIR. its fucking interesting and i can't bare to like ... even think of it getting wasted. DAMN IT. fucking hell.
DAMN IT !!! argh !!! went to school late. cause we couldn't get up. heh. whichever. tomorrow is anatomy and physiology. and i am going to enjoy it ; AS ALWAYS. heh heh.
*evill laugh with the thunder lighting and all those works. heh. MY FUCKING B'DAE IS COMING.and suddenly ...
here comes the rain ; as always.
sweet reverie. withdrawal symtoms.god damned it.
kaaye\.- so close to loosing it.
this close.
memories locked at Monday, November 20, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
so here goes the story.
how do you tell someone to back off.
leave you alone.
never call you.
contact you.
ever ever again.WHEN ...you know that this person is
more then a friend. but not less than somemore you definately have a love and hate realtionship with. how do you justify that this person is qulified to be in your life. or if this person is not qualofied to be in your life at all. admist everything.
i want to disappear.but
everytime i try. you pull me back so far in that
i can't see what i thought i had seen. imagine that very instance of that. HA !!!
i say its the end. but you always say ,
its merely the begining of something more.whatever happens when in front of your eyes ,
you think is real. but
something else you don't see but read. which is real and which is ever fake. =
but on the side note.
I AM AT WENNY'S HOUSE !!! wee ... its kinda fun. her sister is cute and
the dog aims for my ears ALL THE TIME. for some unforeseen circumstance. ha ha. LOL. whichever it is.
SUNDAY I AM GOING TO GET MY HAIR DYED PLATINUM !!! wee. i so can't fucking wait. ha ha.
i wonder what is in store tomorrow with wei and her sister. heh heh. =))
kaaye\.- to it be a closed book.
but ,
its contents appear more real.
memories locked at Friday, November 17, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
question : have you ever thought what friendship is ??? and who are your friends ???have you really sat down and thought ;
if anything were to happen to me at this very moment in time. who would be here ???
don't think boyfriend or girlfriend or fling. think in the prospect of friend. which one would rush down to check on you ;
if the person had the ability to and the will to.
which one would be there.i am talking about friends that have been there
when you need them , when you cry , when you feel so lost when you don't know where to head to.those exact same friends that
laugh with you ; not at you. those friends that go through the sun , sand , heat , cold and typhoons with you. which ones would be there.thought about it ???
how about those that ,
think about you behind their backs every single day.
but keep it quiet. or do little stuff without your knowledge
so that you might feel a little happier or so that your road would be smoother. or when situations get tensed and heated they save your arse.
with just one word.
how about those friends that ,
tell on your back , act like nothing ever took place and smile in you face with eyes locked unto yours.or those friends that make something out of nothing.
then there are those who say ...
'i will always be here for you'. BUT ,
when you turn around they are so far away you only see a dot of their figure starring back at you.erm ... not to forget , there are those that are super uber close to you at one.
and the next ,
they disappear to a god forbidden area on earth you see no shadow. hmm ...
thought about friend(s) that fit these criteria and do what ... you least expect them to ??? cause ...
i have 2 cliques that i think i find safe to say : they would be there when i need them. whenever ; where ever.=
one : wenny and denyse.
two : wei and ling.
group one.i just went down to harbour with
dee. cause we
haven't seen bro in ages and that we miss her to bits. we went down to help out with closing. no we are not paid. but we do it. not cause we are forced to ;
but cause we somehow WANT TO. we get to spend time with bro.
and we are happy.
we do stupid stuff together.
laugh at stupid things , do stupid stuff just to make the others smile. for even that split second. we are happy.
we cry together. even if we don't show it. we love each other , so much. i think its commendable. we don't fight for no reason. cause we rather make love.
and i know.
they love me more then i am worth.
group two.the 2 best pals that i have met in poly. for wei wei , through thick and thin.
from that day that i cried my eyes out in year 1 till now. she has heard every single story i have had to tell ... every single complaint i have made just to somehow feel better ... seen every single invisible tear i shed to keep. for ling , she has been there to
let me bang my wall ...
but always there to make sure that i don't fall. wei and her have been there to watch me try stand up , fall and try to stand all over again.
and till the day i stand up , i know that they are there in school as my support pillars. they make everyday in school a charm.
=
these two groups of people have earned more then they think they have.
cause in my eyes ;
friends are chosen family.you get to choose.
they will always be there for you.doing dumb stuff.
JUST FOR FUN.
or just so that you feel better.but they have been there for me since god knows when and
i love them for more then their worth. cause i know.
they are friends. not an friend.
there is a difference. kaaye\.- no one is left alone.
no one is unwanted.
with friends.
memories locked at Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
There's a fine line between love and hate.And I don't mind.Just let me say that.
I like that.
I like that.
Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.Desperate, I will crawl.Waiting for so long.
No love, there is no love.Die for anyone.
What have I become ???=
it didn't hit me the first time it happened.
it didn't hit me the second time it happened.
neither did it hit me the thrid time it happened.it hit me when i realised that it hit me three times already. you get the difference ???
it didn't hit me at anyone of those times. but ... now with the most lethal blow it hit.
'hello heaven , want to take me in ??? i promise to be as good as in can.'elo. monday.
i have this love and hate relationship with you.i tend to forget.
i am still alive.and this is part and parcle of the whole alive crap.
to take the medicine that cures everything.before i loose everything.
wait people. just one point to make.
everything is made to be lost or broken for that matter. everything is. think about it. everything is.
we are alone in this world from the time we are born to the time that we pass on to the other side. we are alone. take it or leave it. it is the plain truth that none would accept. that none thinks about.
everyone believes in heaven and hell. frankly , its all about the place you live in. am i not ???
we all don't go to heaven or hell , if there wasn't religion. we won't have anything of that happening to us. nothing of that we would believe.
if other humans than ourselves cocked this kinda cock up.i hope.
my point is being made.
somehow.HA !
kaaye\.- you said.
i believed.
i was fooled.
memories locked at Monday, November 13, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
last night was ...
MY QING AI DE'S 18TH BIRTHDAY !!!=))
wee wee.
she is finally 18.
LIKE FIIIINNNNAAAALLLLYYYYY.she is after all one year my junior. so yes. things yesterday when , i met
steph and ling at pacific plaza. cause steph went to
get her hair done up and everything for god knows what reason. my dearest ling was in heels. for the first time in her entire life. and i mean literally ...
ENTIRE LIFE. i think she actually looked fucking hot. *wipes sweat. ha ha. =))
went down to takashimaya to get wei her b'dae cake. erm ... i think you guess it right.
STRAWBERRY STRAWBERRY AND MORE STRAWBERRY !!! ha ha. the cake was frekaing yummy please. erm ... sat around for awhile cause
the 2 ladies were tired. headed to like jack's place at the place next to heeren and the rest was history !!! one by one they came , and
one by one later and later. LATER AND LATER.
thevi , nana , yu hong , frank , shir , michelle , yi wen , 2 other class mates of hers and not to mention wei wei herself.dinner was
FANTASTIC. =)) i mean , with such good company for dinner and everything ,
what more can you expect. RIGHT !!! wei's christmas came fucking early for her. ha ha. she had like a huge
HEEP OF PRESENTS !!! heh. headed down to mos after that. went to the retro room first , waited for
danica and mel to arrive. then ... started dancing at the retro room.
but the music was
getting bad. so we went to trance. danced
ONE song. then went to smoove for the next god knows how long. wei left afterwards. along with yu hong and ling. leaving ... steph , mel , danica and i. we had fun though.
MANY MANY DRINKS MAKE KAYE A HAPPY HAPPY PERSON !!! =)) i had like 1/2 a graveyard , 3 vodka limes , 2 teq pops and 4 shots. erm ... and i was fucking sober please.
so bloody wasted. HIAZ.
waste money and not get drunk.charis , nina , shimei , cheez and her cousin came along too. so yes. we were all like dancing together. omfg. steph left early for *&&*%^%(* then erm ... yeah. we were happily dancing high people. but ...
BUT ... 2 ding dongs got high / drunk. and eventually we went to like ... mac's. =)) BREAKFAST !!! then ... yada yada.
all in all.
last night was great.
IT WAS WEI'S FIRST TIME FOR SO MANY THINGS !!!did i mention , steph and i grinded her ;ON THE PLATFORM AT SMOOVE !!!
=))
wee ...
kaaye\.- say 'come back to me'.
but ... nothing's ever the same.
memories locked at Sunday, November 12, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
so eventually.
i got my tablets.can't wait to devour them in a bit.
=))
i sound a little more then psychotic right !!!*slaps self.
ha ha. whichever.
i am happy i got my pills. i feel so bloody threatened without them. ha ha.
nice blue pills. my favourite kind. i think i am going cynical here. so yes.
i am breaking with every additional thought i have stored in my head. and i have no blinking idea to why ...
to why i am so vulnerable.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY !!!i can't even fucking answer myself that question.
people come and go right. so i have to think of it thi way , and accept the fucking changes there are to my fucking life.
AM I RIGHT ??? then why in the fucking name of GOD I CAN'T FUCKING GET ANYTHING DONE RIGHT !!! *slaps self.
i want to bleed real bad.so fucking bad.but everytime i take my blade out ;
i think of
bro , dee , wei and ling.
then i stop.
and start all over.
kaaye\.- what is courage after all ;
what have i become.
memories locked at Thursday, November 09, 2006
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small.
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall.
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart.
Watching us fading and watching us fall apart.
Well I can't explain why it's not enough.
Cause I gave it all to you.And if you leave me now.
Oh just leave me now.
It's the better thing to do.
It's time to surrender.It's been too long pretending.There's no use in trying.
When the pieces don't fit anymore.pan style="font-weight:bold;">When the pieces don't fit anymore.
The pieces don't fit anymore.
You pulled me under so I had to give in.
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin.Well
I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done.But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone.
=
hello people.
i am going to collect my synflex today.after school.
have a good final rest.before the dreaded paper tomorrow.
i know i said i was going into
cold turkey. but it seems that ... i prefer beef.
i can't do it. let the drugs make me. cause ...
its so fucking difficult. and that no one understands.
cause no matter what i really feel inside this fucking facade automatically gets turned on. and like ... i never really get to show it. cause ... somehow , my mind has the this thought that in front of anyone ;
'I HAVE TO BE HAPPY'. and trying to fucking hide it ...
is enough to kill me. so yes.
like a drug addict , i am going to go to get my drugs later after school. =)) and be a good sick child , 'trying' to get cured. but the thing here that people don't quite understand is that ... i am not sick to begin with.
its not a sickness. its something else.
ITS JUST NOT A SICKNESS.no one understands. i figure.
that it is not a sickness. if you could feel the pain ; if only you can construe what i am going through. its like a never ending night mare that
gets worse everytime you start thinking about anything. an endless nightmare beyond your very expectations.
- that is what i am going through. every single day.as i said ;
i am beyond anyone's comprehension.give up already.
kaaye\.- no one really does ;
so why try.
memories locked at Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
This whole fucking entire week ... i have not been to school for fucking lessons. and i am so fucking dead.
cause of the fucking O levels. i have to skip fucking school ... so many fucking time. and i am so fucking irritated that
i cannot fucking go to school. cause
i miss my fucking classmates and not to mention the fucking lunches with the fucking ting tong's. oh my fucking god.
okay.
i know the paragrah above is vulgar.but this shows ...
the word 'fucking' can GO ANYWHERE !!!i just wanted to make a point.heh.
i just finished my english exam today. it was kinda okay.
pretty easy if you ask me. but i wanted to sleep so badly after paper one. and we were
only given like a fucking ... 15 minute interval between paper one and paper two.
SO ... I RAN DOWN TO PUFFY PUFF PUFF. ha ha. =)) 2 sticks in less then 10 mins please. and the weather was kinda nice to begin with.
i miss smoking reds ... but my throat will DIE.
DIE DIE DIE !!! if i continue with reds.
fuck it.so yes. paper one ; i wrote about december holidays and what i do.
APART FROM CLUBBING. heh heh. and wrote a fucking report to the principle about having a open house to
lure students into their den. paper two ; was about animals and how ...
perverted inhumane humans cause the destruction of life forms. whichever it is ...
its not that bad. seriously. i actually it is easy. heh. heading to meet wei later on at vivo. hmm ... her b'dae is like this saturday !!!
i am going to deflower her. heh. =))
ling and i got her present yesterday !!! and oh my fucking god. its damn cute. heh heh.
i am going to sleep now.
afternoon nappy time.kaaye\.- i threw away everything ;
when you said ,
we are better off this way.
memories locked at Tuesday, November 07, 2006
so there i was ,
crossing the road home today.
rather just now.
and i was almost hit my a car. even though , the
'green man' was flickering instead of a red.
i was this close to death. THIS CLOSE. so yes. i came home.
like nothing ever happened and went on the internet to check stuff about that split second before you die. cause ,
i had heard that ... that split second where by your eyes bulge out and where by you loose like 2 breaths in an instant and where by your heart in in your mouth ; metaphorically ...
you actually have images of stuff that mean alot to you.so yes. from the internet and its
very reliable sources , i realised that for that instant ...
IT IS PROVEN. that you get like ... flashbacks of images of things that are very important for you ... or that where by you need to get done or something along those lines.
i had 5 images. 5 images ... i think i would have before i actually really pass away.
in no particualr order : image one : the picture of the -ing's that i have in my wallet.
image two : that picture of charis and i ; taken at mos.
image three : the picture of the ting tongs and i ; when we were all in black.
image four : the picture of mel and i.
image five : the picture of my family ; the family portriat that hangs in my parent's room.
=
for the love of god.
i don't know why ... i don't know why. i actully thought about stuff mentioned above.
which obviously caused me to be in a much bigger shock than yo think i am or might be in.whichever it is.
this sucks and i can't do anything anymore. its beyond my capabilities. erm ... did i mention , i am in cold turkey. i am not ....
i am not on my medicine. i am not.
i don't want to be crayon.not anymore.
kaaye\.- sometimes ;
i wonder why.
memories locked at Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
omfg.
today was maths paper one please.actually right ..
it was better then it was expected.
so yes. first thing i did when it started ... take the fullscap paper , write down
ALL THE FORMULAS !!! from algebra , to area to perimeter ... everything to be exact. ha ha. but it helped alot along the way ... i didn't have to think of the formulas. and everything else when i needed them ... all i needed to do was refer. heh heh.
so yes. these few days have been
bloody BUSY !!! omfg. saturday ... i went clubbing with
steph and mel. met
nina ans shi mei along the way. then yes.
MOS IS BORING. too many ... too many ... TOO MANY DRINKS.
went to heaven and came back. heh heh. than sunday ...
was mugging till no tomorrow day. from ... 1400 hours to like 1900 hours. i think. then went to meet
ling and wei.had dinner at carl's junior. heh.
LING BOUGHT A PAIR OF HEELS. her
VERY FIRST PAIR PLEASE. omfg. we need to
coach her on her walking capabilities. heh. it was hilarious seeing her walk the way that she did.
HEY. I MIGHT NOT BE A GIRL. BUT I CAN RUN IN HEELS PLEASE. ha ha.
just got back from going out with
stephaine. we went shopping ... eating ... erm ... typical day out. met
mel ong. then she ate her dinner .... then off we went.
I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF A SHIRT FOR MY B'DAE !!! ha ha. =))
omfg. exams galore this week.
i can't concentrate.its eating me.
when i need you the most ;
you're never there to be found.kaaye\.- where are you.
whenever i need you the most.
memories locked at Monday, November 06, 2006
Saturday, November 04, 2006
its november the 4th.for those that don't know.
its a very important day.
to me at least.and those that are near me ,
you should definately know why. so yes.
its november the 4th. one year people. ONE YEAR !!! ha !!!
in the faces of those that thought i couldn't do it. oh wells.
i don't know whether this is a complaint. or what so ever you wish to classify it as , but ...
the only people that remembered how important this day is to me. are not those i had expected it to be. frankly , i expected it to be
tiffany , denyse , wenny and esther. out of these 4. none. maybe wenny. i don't know. but ... no one remembered. and each promised something on that day , that they would spend it with me.
to drink till be drop and forget our mother's names. not one in sight.
when some of these 4 even said ... i quote.
i put it in my organizer already. 'SEE !!!'unquote.
the only ones that remembered was
wei wei and stephaine.i didn't know wei wei remembered. don't even bother taking about steph.
i not even that close to her to begin with. and
she is spending it with me. later that is. but whichever it is , she is. bottom line. she is. i don't know. maybe its just me.
i think it is just me. i am being overly sensitive.
but a simple sms won't kill.now would it ???
i try to be there for everyone.
but i know i am not superwoman. i can't always be there when my personal load is already eating me inside out. and yes.
i feel like i am in this world , with less people that rememeber my existence than i thought there would be.maybe i am expecting too much.
kaaye\.- ironic.
i don't know.
memories locked at Saturday, November 04, 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006
one last shot at it all.
there isn't really much to say on this topic.i am going to make sure , the flow's flowing my way. 'go with the flow' , does not apply to me anymore.
don't even bother asking me any question with any relation to that question. its not going to work out like the ways it did before , say hello to the old kaye.
remember the one that kinda disappeared from the land of flirting ; lust ; shamless people. YEAH.
hello.
i am back.ling , i won't get myself burnt. and you are going to loose that 5 bucks to vi. cause ... its never going to happen.
EVER !!! get that thought out of your head. PLEASE.
everything is going to be good. wei wei , it won't happen. don't even bother thinking. or worrying for me. i love you so much.
so for this once. and last time , trust me. its got to work. everything is kinda on the line. but for it to work ,
there has to be a baiting senario happening behind the whole facade. if you get what i mean.
vi will b 5 bucks richer.
kaaye\.- over my dead body ;
beyond my soul.
memories locked at Friday, November 03, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
the indefinate rise of the sun.
i have given everything that i thought was right.
to which the walls never fail ;
to crumble like domino tiles.beyond your incomprehensible mind.
lies everything of your darkest desires.set in a cynical place ;
with a backdrop of sins and lust.
beyond that nothing but fire and red.imagine if you woke up one morning ;
to find nothing ever took place.imagine.if the devil sold your soul.
just for one last chance at redemption.would you still do the same.
not change your past.but look into the future with a heavy heart.
or would you trade your soul.=
cause i would.trade is but an exchange for redemption.
at that one shot.
i was never given.kaaye\.- you make me wonder so much ;
it freaks me out.
memories locked at Wednesday, November 01, 2006