Tuesday, May 29, 2007
lunch-y at marriot.
i love this pic. and the person in it.
we were waiting for my mum to finish shopping at expo.
this is what was bought in less than 2 hours.
=
i stayed over at banana's yesterday !!! woo wee ... we did alot of shity stuff. i woke up , she was at gym. got my arse down to town. went for lunch at marriot.
i love bailey's. holy shit. headed to the bank. walked around.
we ended up going home.cause ...
we were very very tired.omfg.
slept till like before evening. headed to bedok for dinner.
SUPPOSEDLY that is. we ended up going to expo !!! food fair. =)) and
we met my mother in the end. heh heh. which was kinda fun. anyways ... went to the gurdian thingy too. and
banana finally bought herself and her mother comforters. buah ha ha.
bye bye to freezing nights. =))i am in school today.
and i hate fyp.kill me now.
kaaye\.- anything that leads to you.
memories locked at Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Want to,
but I can’t help it.
I love the way it feels,
It’s got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real.
I need it when I want it,
I want it when I don’t.
Tell myself I’ll stop everyday,
knowin’ that I won't.
=
its tit for tat now. no i am not exploding just yet. i have given up all hope. i can see my heart turning into ice. my brain defrosting. no i don't want this anymore. i am so tired of relationships. all the arguing. all the giving in-s. all the discussions. why can't people live on their own and be fucking happy that way. why why why. omfg. ... argh.
then its the arguments. the endless words used to slit each other's throat. the special words that hurt form the inside out. those sentences made to bombard your mind. to freeze your mind with hope that your heart might take over .
the speculations that you made. the assumptions that you make ; for some you thought that it might work or that it might be a better choice. but NO. it doesn't turn out that way. it doesnt turn out right. and you're to blame. you kick up a fuss. cause she keeps tagging behind and you can't take it anymore.
you used to be independent.
what now.
kaaye\.
- i finished last.
memories locked at Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
When my love swears that she is made of truth,
I do believe her though I know she lies, That she might think
me some untutored youth, Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue, On both sides thus is
simple truth suppressed:
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O love's best habit is in seeming trust, And age in love,
loves not to have years told.
Therefore I lie with her,
and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flattered be.
=
in another words ;
being two timed is normal.and you've just got to live with it.simple.kapeesh ???
so what if i'm overly dramatic.
kaaye\.- they all want to see me fall.
memories locked at Sunday, May 20, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
You’d know it when you see that light.
Shining all so bright amidst all that darkness.
So warm ; comforting.
You know your time is up.
Your patience level resembles an ice cream tub.
Waiting for someone or something to eat it.
Slowly but surely ,
It’d be gone.
Before you know it.
Right before your eyes ;
Looking right into your soul ,
It comes upon you like that familiar scent in your mind.
The one that you can never forget.
But never forgive.
So familiar yet so unforgiving.
=
You try to believe everything that you see. Every single thing that she does for you is true. Or so you try to believe. The sloppy cover ups ; the lies ; the suspicious ‘truth’ she says real. Every time you look into her eyes after that small lie. After that evidence you found true to your claim came true. You know , you know she is lying right into your eyes. She has seen your soul. Taken it. Buried it within her heart. Taken that emotional support you know is all so comforting. Taken you for the ride of your life. All those lines she has spoken. The barriers she has broken all gone.
Each time you close your eyes , you know its all fake. You suspect everything. Forgive nothing. Call everything bluff. You tend to consider if what you now know and what she now states is the truth. Cause every single time you say something … You wonder if she is treating you like the other hers. Reassuring you , so that you would still stay and play her emotional pillar of her life. All so stable, while she is out there playing in the field she said was no more a part of her. Or so she states.
You don’t know what is right no more.
Cause for all you know.
She’s playing you like the others before.
Nothing is new no more.
Kisses given ;
You can never get back.
This is the last barrier you’re going to build. The one made with the heart of thorns ; shield of the mind. Hoping that it might last somehow. You pray.
kaaye\.
- i digress.
memories locked at Friday, May 18, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Been looking forward to the future.
But my eyesight is going bad.
And this crystal ball.
It's always cloudy except for ;
When you look into the past.
One night stand.
One night and one more time.
Thanks for the memories.
even though they weren't so great ...
"He tastes like you only sweeter".
One night, yeah,
and one more time.
Thanks for the memories,
thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"
=
elo elo. i skipped fyp meeting today !!! hurry hurry say i did the right thing. heh. anyways ... it was pretty fun actually ... went to meet banana after school yesterday. picked her up from work , went to boat quay. had dinner. then ... went to watch a movie at ceni. 'bridge to teribitha' or something along those lines. went back to her place. then erm ... slept. woke her up at 10 this morning ... cause i couldn't sleep anymore and i don't know why. slacked. watched tv. played with the dogs.
headed to temasek poly today. at like ... 2 in the afternoon. cause she had to go for some graduation fitting thing. omfg. the gown is ugly. but i guess ... 'wearable'. then erm ... i came home to get my ez link card that i forgot to bring out yesterday. went back to town to meet wenny and banana went to meet her aunt.
met wenny , krystal and denyse today. had dinner at billy bombers ... after like slacking for a fucking long time at starbucks ... the one at like plaza singapura. yuppers. the billy bombers we went ... was the one at like ... cathy. the service and everything is so much better than that of the one at heeren. omfg. such big difference. but then the same company. left not long after. and now i am home sweet home. yuppers.
side note :
i swear to the heavens ; there is something terribly wrong with me. i am hearing things. more then last time. and the things i hear are ... very scary. at the same time ... it feels so real ... like someone is really saying those things. i feel like i am breaking down all again. i am going back down there. so soon ... i am so afraid of everything. and i feel like ... the world is breathing down my neck ... counting the amount of air i am breathing. and step i take.
with every step i am stepping into a familiar gallery of endless mind traps that i cannot win. i don't think i am feeling really very well. i can feel myself falling into the endless winter and no one's saving me. everything is so fake. nothing is real no more. people are failing. ties between friends are strained. its going down hill from now onwards.
it is.
and i know it.
kaaye\.
- one day this world is going to end.
as lies crumbling down.
memories locked at Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Why can't I get it right,
just can't let it go.
I opened up,
she let me down,
I won't feel that no more.
I got memories, this is crazy.
She ain't nothing like the girl I used to know.
I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it.
'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it.
And I,
I apologize, for makin' you cry.
Look me in my eye and promise you won't do me the same.
=
i am finally going to update. omfg. its been a fucking long time and i have lost touch with my beloved blogg. i am just so fucking busy ... the only free time i have for myself is when i sleep. even then ... i might not be alone. *smirks. (think little cousin ; twit.)
anyways , i think things are okay for now. i have been arguing and arguing my banana. and i don't know why. i think its school and her work. and all that STUPID STUPID stress is making us go mad. as in MAD. omfg. and yesterday ... i had my entire hard disk wiped out. like ... *KAPEESH. gone. bye bye. jai jian. see ya. that kinda thing. omfg. you don't want to know what kinda foul mood i was in. i felt murderous.
not to mention ... my temper has been getting worse .... i keep feeling the need to want to kill someone. or rather just the someone who's fucking irritating. god damned it.
kaaye\.
- unchain my heart.
memories locked at Monday, May 14, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
all those thoughts ;
lined up.
but none taken into light.i have given up
holding some conference of sort ;
i don't want to.to have to wait along those lines ;
till something pops.its not going to break ;
make or even form anything.
so why bother.they make no more sense.they hold no more place.
cause everything is but gone.i'm so tired of overly thinking.
nothing's going to take place.
why bother loosing time waiting. what i want or need ;are no more of existence.take it in its raw form ;
or
to leave it.
i choose to leave it.kaaye\.- its not so easy.
memories locked at Monday, May 07, 2007
i am having lessons now.
but i don't think i actually care that much. its
biomedical signal processing. and
esther just smsed me to tell me that her cousin is like bi. omfg.
i can't believe it. okay.
i attract younger things. but still ... they are
kinda cute sometimes ... you know you know.
the innocence that each and everyone of us lost. but then again ..
it ends there.its been irritating.
sunday wasn't too great. been having LBP like no one's business. and no ... its not the least bit funny. cause ...
you feel like crap. even when you go clubbing it never fails to strike just like saturday night. went to watch spiderman with
banana and my parents. then headed to mos with banana.
it was kinda fun. but i got LBP and had to go home. god damned it.
but mingy went around the world in 80 seconds FLAT. no banana wasn't too happy about it. but ... oh wells.
i don't suppose you can expect anything better already. considering the situations.
got sent to school today !!!
MONDAY ROUTINE !!! buah ha ha. =)) love it.
i love it when banana sends me to school !!! woo wee ... school's going to be out soon. heading home then meeting her again for ikea. god.
monday's a killer.
kill me please.i beg.
kaaye\.- my only joy ;my worst sorrow.
memories locked at Monday, May 07, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
its thursday.
i skipped school today. last night wasn't too good. argued with banana. but at least everything is clear now. and well ...
i can breathe fresh air too. in some sense that ...
the air and all is being cleared. yuppers.
i wonder what i missed out at school today.i am going to sleep soon.
its thursday.what more can i say.i don't like pondering about stuffs too much now.
cause i just leads me to insanity.kaaye\.- don't keep me threading on a line.
memories locked at Thursday, May 03, 2007