i treated them to dessert today !!! =)) lil' twit and bro.
buah ha ha. chocolate fondue.
=
this is part one of today's entry.
its the bad before the good.
i was feeling really happy today. for one , i felt rich. for two , i bought my skinny jeans. for three , which is also the most important one. that i met dee and bro today. and for four , my mind's cleared.
i treasure my hands so freaking much , i am always scared one day ... i might loose them. like what if ... what if , they die before me. what if they move on without me. what if they are in pain. what if i can't do anything to help. what if they are not feeling good , but i can't do anything to be of help. WHAT IF , i can't be a good friend.
cause i know. I KNOW. without these friends , I CALL FRIENDS ; i would be dead. literally.
see , what i mean by 'MY MIND IS CLEARED' ... is very simple. i wash my hands off everything from this very moment , whatever happens to this whoever i hold so close to my heart , I HAVE WASHED MY HANDS OFF THIS PERSON.
TIFFANY HUE. this is for you.
you know me hue. i don't like being lied to. i don't like being uninformed. bro's not the only one crying writing this entry. my tears don't come easy , but they are flowing for you. for you hue.
i hope you are fucking happy.
i wonder every morning i awake , when. WHEN WILL HUE COME BACK. cause i fucking miss you so much. i miss you more then i miss my own 'life'. but you know what ??? i give up. I GIVE UP. I FUCKING GIVE UP. i do.
=
i miss the times we go clubbing. i miss the times we get crunk. i miss the times we go for supper. i miss the times we went for lunch. i miss the times we met up. i miss the times we camera whored. i miss the times i post our NEW pictures on friendster. i miss talking to you over the phone. i miss people mistaking we are together. i miss sitting at spins with you. i miss smoking with you. i miss girl watching with you. i miss the times we go clubbing.
i worry myself with nothing. i worry myself everyday , every morning ... LITERALLY. if hue's going to have a bad time in school. if wenny is going to work. if denyse is going to be okay when she wakes up. i worry for each and everyone of you. EVERY MORNING. cause you jolly well know. I LOVE YOU ALL. and i don't keep it as lip service. I DON'T.
I MEAN IT. EVERYTHING I STATE.
its friday.
we never fail to meet.
ITS FUCKING FRIDAY.
- don't tell me you didn't know we would be meeting.
cause if you do ;
there is only one thing i can say.
you're either stupid or stupid.
denyse told me she saw you. she looked right into your eye. and without THINKING , you just walked past us. FUCK. you say you miss us. but when you see us , you run and hide with bradon ??? HUE. i am not stupid. you know what this means ??? THIS MEANS THAT WE DON'T MEAN A FUCK TO YOU. NOT A FUCKING CHEE BAI FUCK. my instanteous reaction ???
i ran all the way back to taka. but i didn't see you.
maybe fate was on your side today. dee and bro were fucking scared that i would slap you. i was instantly filled with so much anger. HUE YOU DON'T KNOW. don't fool around with me. DON'T. DON'T FUCKING FOOL AROUND WITH US. DON'T. if i saw you hue , this won't be the only things i would have said. actually , i wouldn't even bother writing this entry in total. I WOULDN'T.
you know. I KNOW YOU ARE HAPPILY ATTACHED TO BRANDON. copy and paste my link to him and his friends to check my diary out. cause i am writing and spilling dirty laundry of you and us on my blog. then maybe ask them to click to 'links' , where they can find bro's blog. i have a stinking feeling you just might.
are we that INHUMANE ??? HUE. remember i told you ??? 'as long as you are happy , i don't care who you are with. i will give you my blessings. anything that makes you happy darling'. you remmeber those words ??? CAUSE I DO. i remember them , cause that was what i ALWAYS told you.
i would understand to why. you would go with him. that you are busy with school that you never attended. i don't know. i feel like ... the kid that i saw grew up , or my kid. that i brought up , just bit the hand that feeds that fucking bastard. you know how that feels ??? DO YOU ??? cause I NOW DO.
i didn't care that you didn't update bro or dee about stuff , cause i know sometimes , you do things that are totally wrong. but you know , i'd somehow make it sound right. ask yourself. REALLY. ask yourself. how many times have i made something so wrong , so right. with just one sentance. HOW MANY TIMES ???
i don't know what to say anymore.
i have cried enough. i don't want to have puffy eyes tomorrow. i don't want to know anything anymore. cause i am fucking pissed. i have been fucking pissed for so long. i give in to my fucking greed for wanting to see you. I FUCKING GIVE UP. cause i am no longer going to BOTHER. NO MORE. ignorance is bliss. so i am going to do just that. I AM GOING TO IGNORE EVERYTHING THAT MY MIND PLAYS OF YOU.
i don't know what i did wrong.
you tell me.
if you bother.
kaaye\.
- educate me ;
that i have been doing it wrong.
all wrong.
all along.
memories locked at Friday, September 22, 2006