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never saw it coming.
i should have started running.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
i am having cynical thoughts about suicide. ask me !!! i am planning the perfect suicide. i am suicidal at the moment. when everything is supposedly perfect in a sense. i have everything i think i need. but i am suicidal. i have gone quiet in the house. my pills are not working. my fingers are trembling like no one's business. i have been taking precaution for this. something is bubbling under. i don't know the cause of it. its eating me inside out. i don't know what. the cuts heal. but the pain remains. i don't know why. everything is going wrong. i am planning the perfect suicide. of taking a kitchen knife , plunge it through my heart. give it a little twist. and into paradise i come. oh my fucking god. someone educate me. someone educate me that it is wrong. i have been falling away from the urge to cut. tonight's the submission of it. i can't stop. the blood's
not stopping. i tried. i really did. trust me. i really did try to curb the urge. i tried to stop cutting. i tried. its not working. my prozac and synflex are all not working. i've taken my medicine on time. i really really have. i just can't find a reason to why. i don't know what i am running away from. and i don't know why i am. its the miracles your mind plays with you. i think i am under depression. again. what do you think ??? i tried to curb it. its still happening. why ain't my medicine working. why !!! i don't get it. i don't get it.tell me here. help me here.why is this alway shappening to me. do i deserve it that badly. why. someone help me. i don't know what is going wrong. i don't need company. i just need something to cure this disease. i am sick.
i don't want to talk. i don't want to speak. i don't want to listen. i don't want to hear. just get me out of this place. would someone do that. please. i don't want to be here. i don't want to be here. kaaye\.
- the feel's not there.what is.
memories locked at Saturday, September 09, 2006
all about me;
kaaye\. 19years.
22nd november 1987.
overgrown kid.
taken.
my sanity's long gone.
likes\.
hanging out with my friends ; ALOT.
nice tasting alcohol in general ; erdinger ; mojito ; moet or blessed vc.
trance ; house ; rock ; alternative ; punk ; metal ; bossa nova / jazz.
new gadgets.
baking ; cupcakes and all.
shiny stuff.
the sun , the sand , the water = THE BEACH !!!
slacking like there is no such thing as time.
dislikes\.
the people i hate are all irritating !!!
horrid people ; with appalling characters.
people with horrid manners.
insects and such.
bad weather.
headaches ; ankle sprains.
BAD COFFEE !!!
greens.
wish list\.
that calculator casio watch.
that pair of rock and republic pants.
that perfect messenger bag.
that new PDA !!!
that new laptop.
that pair of adidas shoe-wees.
that pair of tiger shoe-wees.
that new jacket.
that nike haversack.
that new tops from pull and bear.
that new pair of jeans.
that flesh imp top.
that head porter bag.
that pair of lacoste shoe-wees.
entries;
profile;
shouts;
plugs;
past;
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