Tuesday, October 10, 2006
so there i was.
on the bus '123'.
and
i was busy blasting 'sway' by bic runga on my pda.its ironic.
funny thoughts started to fill my mind. i didn't know where they came from , but they did. like a
sudden rush of emotions and images ... good or bad ... bitter or sweet came flooding through my head.
like one of bittersweet moments you would love to hate so much. it brought a tear to my eye , but before the next tear squeezed itself out from my tearduct ;
the first tear dried up. i think its just me. so the song kept playing on the way home. all the way home to be exact.
loud and clear. each word stabbing my heart with a
shaper knife each time i hear that same tune , those same words ; that
someone so fucking hell important once sang along to. 'its a disease. and i am going to overcome it.' that's what i told myself. cause , i knew , cause i know ...
its eating me alive.and anything that eats you alive ,
will be defined as a disease. would it not be ??? its a disease that
no medicine can cure ; no operation can fix. the only cure ... its mind over matter. i tell myself ,
'be strong , you're stronger then you think'. people think i am as strong as an ox. PEOPLE - 'i am no harder than the mango pudidng you have at crystal jade ;
or that steamed tofu you have at the hawker'.the song played :
'don't stray , don't ever go away.
i should have been too smart for this ,
you know it gets the btter of me.
sometimes , when you and i collide.
i fall into an ocean.
but you pull me out in time.
don't let me drown.
let me down.i say its all because of you.here i go ...
loosing my control.say you're going to stay.
don't come and go like you do.
sway my way.
yeah , i need to know all about you.'
that stabbed my heart so bad.
i was this close to loosing it on the bus. and to think that
i was sedated. rather , i thought that i was. i really thought i was. why am i in this shit. i don't know. can i ever get out of this.
I BEG. ... i am so afraid , so very very afraid that i loose it. trust me or not ...
if i loose it this time ... there's no such thing as a return.this is the last straw.
and its burning away with the fire ;
every single second of this life.cause to me.
i am already dead to begin with ;
i just don't understand why my body still moves.i don't.do you.tell me.
please ???
kaaye\.- its all because of you.
stay like you said you would.
don't go.
memories locked at Tuesday, October 10, 2006
