Thursday, December 28, 2006
this entry is a lil queer. for one ,
its coming from me. and secondly ...
its something close to home.my moods have been swinging , due to my current loss.
i miss wayne. but then again , i know i will never get him back. but then again , i ask myself ...
what could i have done to make the entire senario change. 'i could have brought him to the hospital earlier'. 'i could have made sure he had a full medical examination'. 'i should have waited longer'.'i should have ... '.there are so many things that i think , or should have done. prevention is always better then cure.
what comes around , goes around ... the lower it falls ; the higher it rises.
every force has an equal or balanced reaction.
do upon to others ; as you would to like to be treated.
what happens once will never happen again.
things are meant to be the way that scripture sets them to be.
the book of god ; shows how much time you have left. there are so many things
i could think of doing. seriously. to make sure that wayne would get the best medical cure. that he recieved only everything
BUT the BEST i can possibly buy. sometimes ;
everything boils down not to material stuff. everyone wants what they cannot get.
everyone wants material stuff. think about it.
you want that top from armani. you want your pants from evisu. you only wear topshop underwears. you only wear tops that are branded out.
you only wear dunks ; nike or adidas. you want the best of everyting.
but has it ever occured to you. ever.
just for that split moment.
that life is beyond that.beyond all the
calvin klein's ; gucci's ; louis vittions ; armani's ; hugo ; cerutti. life is beyond that. think of life with everything you need.
money flowing like a fountain. everything you want you get.
everything on the shelves end up at your house sooner or later ; everything is but a simple pressing of buttons or a simple signature that you need not worry about when the bill arrives. BUT.
you are alone.what is everything in the world.but with no one to share it with. no one to tell to. no one to hug to sleep at night.
no one to call you 'daddy' ; 'dear' ; 'baby' ; 'daughter' ; 'son' ; 'bro'. what is it.then ,
you cheat on your spouse. you do things behind his or her back.
cheat on him or her. find another guy or girl to your
new liking. and then fall in love.
but you still have that constant person in your life. somehow. so ; it means ... you have 2.
one for the constant emotion of love you know is there. and one for the liking. because that courting stage is gone with your constance. think its fun ?try being on the other side. the one that
knows nothing about what the other is doing.
knows nothing but to love you and to trust you ; because at the end of the day. you are the only one the person thinks about. OR.the constance is only being kept as a constant.
due to the fact that the person you like ; cannot seem to give you that constant emotion you call name 'love'. but yet ,
this person puts a smile on your face with every single time the person calls you a mere 'dear' or 'darling'. your heart melts. time and time again.
BUT.when the constance does it.
the effect appears so different. you wonder
why you are even with the person to begin with. but you know love is there. yet again ...
you think why ; WHY ; why ? why is it that you need the person you like.
THEN.everyone deems this person as a player.
a playboy. the one who
flings around. and knows nothing of but sweet nothings and
has women or men bowing to his or her feet. worshiping the ground him or her walks on.
for his charm can melt anyone's heart. LET ME LET YOU IN ON SOMETHING.everyone deems me as a
player. that i am happy.
but think of it from my point of view. at the end of the day.
you are left with no one. because ,
everyone is with someone constant. there is
no such thing as constant for you. when the darkness of day comes ; you know that feel is going to eat you alive ;
sooner or later. you know it will come.
just a matter of time.
this is why i always say :
it doesn't matter that i have many ; i just want something so simple. but yet i cannot have. think about it.
kaaye\.- beyond those lines ;everything.
memories locked at Thursday, December 28, 2006
